Why are you fighting so hard for him to stay when he isn't doing a thing to keep you?

No matter how deep, time heals all wounds.

Because that's life. People come and people go, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to fight it. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows and good times. Life isn't easy. But if there is one single thing I've learned it is that life goes on. No matter how hard it might be for you, no matter how stuck you might be feeling...you just have to keep going. I can assure you it will get better. So fight, don't ever give up. Keep moving until you're exactly where you want to be.

You don't deserve someone like him, you're better than that. He doesn't deserve someone like you, you're one of a kind. You're amazing and beautiful and worth more than the most extravagant jewel in the world. Anyone who can't see that shouldn't have the right to be a part of your life. Let go of him.

I care so much about you, more than I have for anyone else in my entire life. No matter what you put me through, I always let it slide because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. It made me smile, seeing your smile. And it always broke my heart to see you upset. Even through all the hurtful thing's you said to me, through all the fights, the tears, I couldn't ever stay mad at you. The thing is though, I just can't keep doing this to myself..it's too hard on me. I can't keep looking out for you and making you my world when all it ends in is disappointment. I can't keep setting myself up for this, it's not fair on me. I want you to be happy, but I've come to realise that I need to make myself happy above all else. Just know that I will still always care for you, but I've put your needs above mine for far too long and it's time I focus on myself. If, by some chance we meet in future and the spark's still there, I won't rule you out. But for now, it's time I let you go.

Sometimes, you just have to let go. It's not giving up, it's knowing better. It's not losing hope, it's realising there is better out there. It may be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but I promise you that it'll be okay. Walk away from him because he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Walk away, don't look back. Look ahead, because the future is amazing. Do what makes you happy, and be exactly who you want to be. Let go now, and I promise you one day he'll be nothing but a lesson well learned.

Giving up on someone isn't easy. Sure, you can decide one day that enough is enough and it's time to move on. Knowing your limits is simple enough. It's the process, that's what can absolutely destroy you. Just the thought of him with someone else...wondering what they're doing at this very moment. Feeling replaced, even though you told him you were okay with it. The feeling will pass, you just have to be patient. Be strong. And don't let your guard down, not for a second. Or you'll be back where you started, hopelessly in love with the one person who couldn't care less.

I know it might not be easy now, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. You can't paint a masterpiece in the blink of an eye. You can't turn nothing into something beautiful, at least not straight away. It'll take a while, it'll take late long nights and a lot of tears but it is possible. Life isn't always easy. The road might be rough sometimes but you just have to work hard and make it beautiful. Life is precisely what you make of it. So make it count.

I just wish you missed me as much as I miss you. That you want me in your life, that I mean something, anything, to you. I feel like I'm waiting for a call you'll never make. I want you so much more than I need you. Honestly, the way you treat me, I don't need it in my life. But I can't help it. I'm addicted to you.

You have no idea

But the heart wants what the heart wants.

To look someone straight in the eye and see unfamiliarity, to see someone who once meant the world to you now nothing but a near stranger. Having to stand back and watch that person be happy without you. With someone else. Being replaced. Forgotten. Having so many little things remind you of that person, nothing left now but fading memories. Losing someone - one of the worst feelings anyone can experience.

Why is it we seem to make the same mistakes, over and over again? Like a cycle, it's neverending. Convincing yourself you know better now than to go back to your old ways, but giving up and letting it all go soon after. It's a cruel and vicious cycle. It seems to be that everyone is fighting this losing battle. To stay, or go. To give yet another chance, or to move on to bigger, better things.

It's an amazing feeling knowing that somebody knows and loves everything about you - every little quirk, every silly habit; good or bad. And being certain that no matter how much of your past they know about you...they want to be with you anyway. Knowing that someone out there loves you - every little single thing about you. That kind of unconditional, mutual infatuation - it's the best feeling of all. I miss that.

What do you want from me? I'm sick and I'm tired of playing your silly games. I'm sick of getting my hopes up over and over again only to have you change your mind at the last minute, leaving me disappointed and alone. You can't just do that to someone, to leave them hanging on your every word. To just walk away, to leave. It's just not right. And it hurts more than you could ever imagine.
 

I miss the weirdly perfect way we just...worked, with each other. How when we held hands they fit together so awkwardly, yet I knew in my heart it just felt right. That indescribable feeling, the way we were both so different, yet suited each other absolutely perfectly. You were everything I wanted. But in the end..we got caught up in our own things, and I guess we both knew it wouldnt last any longer. We were too different. But those moments...I would give anything to have them back. That point in time when we both loved each other with all of our hearts. I know you loved me - even if just for an instance. And I loved you with every single little fibre of my foolish body. I still do. But we are too different.

Why do we fall for the ones who are no good for us? Why do we set ourselves up for such inevitable pain? The worst part is knowing in your heart that he's no good. Knowing that he will probably break your heart, again. Yet, somehow believing things have changed - each and every time. Being blinded by love is no fun when you finally hit the ground. 

Personally, I could probably much better than you. But I....I still just want you. You. I can't help it, and I hate that I cant. Because the chances of you and I ending up together again are close to zero. I can't let you go, not just yet, and it's absolutely killing me.

It's important to never let anyone get the better of you. Remember, you are beautiful and unique and no one in this world is like you. You are exsquisite, you're a masterpiece. And anyone who says otherwise isn't worth a second of your time.

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Had a horrible day today, so here I am. I'm easing back into this.. so my ramblings are a bit rusty. nonetheless, please comment! subscribe! etcetera. 

nina x

So I doubt anyone even goes on this anymore, but I just need to spill somewhere.

So my ex-boyfriend. He's a fucking idiot (and thats sugarcoating it) I suppose I should tell the whole story, so apologies for this lengthy post, I just don't know where else to go with all this. We work together. We've been working together since... well for about 2 years now. Anyway I dunno randomly last year in..august-ish we started talking a bit more and got each others numbers and texted all the time and stuff. Anyways so told me he had feelings for me like a few days after we got each others numbers and texted and stuff. And I was like, you know, whoa hold on slow down. I wasnt sure how I felt so I told him I just wanted to be friends and take it slow and stuff for now. He was upset at first then he was alright with it and we continued to speak. That weekend he went to a party and got really really drunk and hooked up with this other girl. (well they didn't have sex, but probably everything else was done.) Funny thing is, that same night he was texting me telling me how much he liked me and was willing to wait and stuff. He wanted me to go to that party but I had school stuff to do. AND YEAH. It was kinda that night that I realised that I actually had genuine feelings for him too. I found out the following night. I saw him at work the morning after it all happened, and he kind of ignored/avoided me. My friend told me what happened later that day. The next morning he kept texting apologising and stuff and at first I kept ignoring him but I eventually gave in and we made up and stuff. It's pretty strange how easily I got over that...it's weird. I was so devastated about it too. 

Okay so fast forward a couple of weeks. He kept asking me out and I kept telling him I need more time and stuff but in the end I said yes and we started officially dating. It was so cute and I was sooo happy. I thought we were the cutest, stealing kisses at work when no one was looking and shit like that. Then less than a month later he broke up with me with his reason being he "only saw us as friends" and that he "just wanted to be single". Crazy, huh. I was so so sad about that, but it was after the break up that he really started to treat me horribly. I tried to continue being friends, but he kept ignoring me; one word replies, no eye contact etc. And like, I was always so nice to him, even though he never reciprocated it. I'd try and tell him how I feel, not fully just going off and yelling at him or anything - I always tried to be civil and just nice to him because I guess I never got over the break up properly. But every single time I'd tell him how I felt about how he was treating me, he'd get mad and lash out on me and tell me I'm annoying him and he has no time for me and stuff. Which was just great. So a bit later on he deleted me on facebook stopped replying to my texts completely and basically just blocked me out of his life for a good couple of months. I was so depressed..it was terrible. Then he'd have these cycles where he'd start talking to me again out of the blue. Then he'd say something about having feelings for me again or that he missed me or something...and then he'd start ignoring me again. The horrible thing is that this has happened 3 times already and though I know better I keep going with it, because for some reason, I still have feelings for him. I always feel so stupid for falling for his little tricks. 

It really sucks that I always believe he's changed, or that he means what he says. When really, he only talks to me when he's lonely, when he feels like it. Then when he's sick of me he blocks me out all over again like its nothing to him. He means so much to me, I don't know why. I'm scared I'll never get over him..but I know he's no good for me. He said to me last week (when he was talking to me again); "what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad we're speaking again and I'm trying not to wreck it again..". Few days later, he's gone again. Like I just don't get it, and it's absolutely killing me. I don't know why he's doing this to me, I don't think he knows how badly I'm taking it everytime. It's like its just a game to him. But it's everything to me. 

Woo. Comment? If anyones there. If not, it's okay, at least I got all this out of my system..for now.